Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize