I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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