Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize