At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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