Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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