oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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