I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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