She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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