Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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