I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
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If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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