Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize