Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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