having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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