Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize