sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
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We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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