That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
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from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
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Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize