I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize