Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
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If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
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I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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