I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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