He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So vagazzling was a success
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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