I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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