I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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