??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize