Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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