google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
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ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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