I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize