Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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