I wish I only lived at night.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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