you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize