are you still at the devil's house?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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