sarcasm needs its own font
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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