But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
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She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
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Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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