I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
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