Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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