Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
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Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
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i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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