you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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