Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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