you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
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This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
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I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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