I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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