I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
