I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize