did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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