My room smells like vodka and shame
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
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if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
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You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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