I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize