My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize