i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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