somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
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Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
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I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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