The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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