the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
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Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
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I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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