I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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